How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day? When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil.

I wish Martians would conquer the earth and make us their pets, I could really use a new flea leash. The one my wife uses is getting pretty darn short.

I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not our children's children, because I don't think chilldren should be having sex.

A blonde woman goes to the doctor and complains that her whole body is aching. She touches her knee and says: "Ouch! That hurt". She then touches her elbow which evokes yet another painful response. She then touches her ear and complains that it is sensitive too. The doctor then examines her and says: "Well, Madam, I am sure that will be the case - your finger is broken."